No this is not a subgroup of Obama’s 2008 campaign or a link to some raunchy online adult shopping site, this is our one month long blog that will showcase our journey on the candida cleanse.
Yes, my friends and future followers (shout out*) we (Em & Jay) are diving into a world with no glucose, sucrose or yeast in order to kick out the infectious tenants within our bowels. We have realized that bathroom talk isn’t the most appropriate conversation in social settings, although with bowel issues like ours it is of commonplace and has even slipped into our lingo on the dance floor (my bowels have better moves than you) and post-lunch updates via text message.
In the past year at least, the both of us have experienced what we call, the “cloud”. A condition that is forever in our weather forecast. On a really bad day, “cloudy with a chance of showers” and on a mediocre day, “the fog”. With this weather forecast, we might as well live in England… The Brit – Jay, nods her head* Its time to open the curtains! Let the rays shine through the clouds! We want our faces to remain brighter, and healthier.
Our two tales have lead us to this daring month of May & may it be a promising one. Before we introduce ourselves, we must provide a caution regarding our humour – sarcastic, bold, full of wit- we must warn this blog is rated ‘R’ for gruesome bathroom scenes involving interesting bodily functions. Please read at your own discretion.
Em – “The house is central to your everyday self” says the naturopath I saw in Sept ’11. This “house” she was referring to was not my two-bedroom apartment I share with Jay bird, no she was referring to another physical entity that is equally important to my everyday life…my bowels. Fluctuating between mild and severe symptoms with the odd nausea after tucking into a slice of cake, pain in the abdomen, and the embarrassing stomach gurgles in the middle of lecture- I thought that maybe something was up. I found my answer when I looked down, down the toilet that is. So I have symptoms of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), don’t we all. Stress can impact you physically, yeah so can a lack of exercise. Isn’t this the life of a student? I’m afraid that while many of my fellow students can spend weekends playing flip cup, feasting on McDonalds at 2am and spending random nights at “friends” houses without suffering the repercussions of a bloated belly and a churned stomach the next day I however can not. But not just a mixture of alcoholic bevvys, fast food and a lack of sleep has totalled my house…the apple I had for a snack and the toast I started my day off had the same effects. Hmm…something is up…or should I say down.
Jay – My “house” has a sign hanging around it’s entrance: CLOSED FOR BUSINESS- PLUMBING FAILURE. The pipes are in need of a special type of a plumber- but none seem to have the right remedy! Two years ago now I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, an autoimmune disorder causing severe inflammation in the bowels and gastrointestinal bleeding. In short, my genes coded for shitty bowels- literally. My poor shelf is littered with bottles of pills, none of which seemed to do the trick. After a year of trial and error, terror and tears, I finally started Remicade. Made from rat enzymes (which explains my frequent cravings for cheese!), it suppresses my overactive immune system and gives me some relief. Crohn’s is a selfish disease- it takes and takes. It takes sleep, a clear head, and a normal body figure. There are days when I want to turn to the renown cure of comfort food to revive some of those flaky endorphins, but, this remedy is poison. Food is poison, those deliciously oily yellow crisps of salty fat that tongue’s on every continent yearn for produce nothing but a bloated stomach and frequent trips to the big white phone. But there is hope! Eating healthy organic and easily digestible food along with the right supplements fights all that bad bacteria down there and soothes those pulsing intestinal walls. I’m hoping this cleanse will create further relief- my fingers are crossed for the both of us!
Action Plan: From May 2nd to June 1st, we will be attempting to stick to a no- yeast, no-sugar diet. This means no breads, no pasta’s, no chocolate and no chips, and even no fruit! Our diet will consist mostly of veggies, certain grains, and nuts and seeds (yikes!). As incredibly insane as this sounds, we’re desperate enough to try anything to clear our infected minds, and our infected bowels. YESWECANDIDADOTHIS!
So here we are, a month of meat & veggies (“I’ve always wanted to live like the pioneers” says Em), cravings, blood, sweat and tears. We’re up for it because our bowels aint down for it (we may need to cut back on all these puns…)! Step aside Jesus, May this month bring us an answer.